Do people walk on eggshells around you for fear of upsetting you?
Chronic anger and angry outbursts can damage the people we love the most. Relationships with family and friends become strained. For the angry person it can feel like a vicious cycle that they can’t seem to break out of. People around them start ‘walking on eggshells’ and it can become a very lonely existence.
After an aggressive verbal or physical anger outburst you feel physically tired, depressed, and ashamed. Even though you don’t want to have angry outbursts, it can feel like you can’t control them. The good news is that you CAN learn to manage and control anger with some knowledge, skills and practice.
My experience has been that many people with anger problems believe they are beyond help. They believe they are ‘just made that way’. Often they have tried anger management classes or counseling with little change. This may be because they didn’t feel comfortable with the counselor or in a group setting, or perhaps they gave up too soon. It does take time to change habits such as anger, but it can be done.
It takes some hard work, perseverance and willingness to focus on yourself and your behavior. You will make mistakes. You’ll have good days and bad days. But if you really commit to doing the work you will find out the the angry person you see in the mirror is not who you really are.
Anger can destroy the intimacy between partners in a relationship. If a woman feels criticized by her partner she will shut down to protect herself. If she feels afraid and intimidated of angry outbursts and aggressive behavior then do not expect her to be able to relax around an angry partner.
Chronic anger breeds resentment in both partners. And resentment will destroy the respect you had for each other and make honest communication very difficult. So many couples and individuals wait too long to seek help. Often then it is too late.
If you are an angry person chances are good that people around you are also suffering. By getting some help you can learn new ways of anger control. The person with anger suffers a great deal too. They are often filled with remorse and guilt and don’t know how to express that or deal with it. So it simmers away till the next angry outburst. You CAN change this pattern. There are counselors, group therapy programs, self help books and online anger management courses available to help.